1. Gain weight - Try to gain at least 30lbs before next Thanksgiving. Based on what I saw Dave eating this morning... he should be there by the 4th of July.
2. Stop exercising - Uhhhh... who says any of us ever STARTED excercising?
3. Watch more TV - Or, might I suggest, laying on the couch listening to the radio.
4. Read less - Audiobooks... if you must consume books, please do it in audio form so as not to tax your brain too much.
5. Procrastinate more. Try to not start this one until tomorrow. If you can wait until next year, that would be best.
6. Stop bringing lunch. Eat out more often - Nothing will help out #1 more than this one. Plus, you increase your odds of running into Dave around town.
7. Spend summers in cyberspace - That crazy sunshine and fresh air is way overrated. Plus, I do think you can get a screensaver with a nice sunset and it will NEVER set... meaning you can enjoy it that much longer.
8. Buy more toys - This has to be something that you don't need. The ratio of value to cost should be very different. If it's worth nothing and costs a fortune... finance it if you have to, but buy it!
9. Get further into debt - If you do #7 properly, this one will happen by default.
10. Try to break at least one traffic law a week - If you have a minivan, you're more likely to succeed at this one before they take away your license. Ken tries to do this in the small towns only.
11. Wait around for opportunity - Wasting time seeking opportunity will only disappoint and discourage you when you fail miserably.
12. Focus on the faults of others - Molly says she bases her entire life on this resolution.
13. Mope around about your own faults - Never try to change anything about yourself. If you do #12 correctly, you'll never even have to face your own faults.
